who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
