I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
