he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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