In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
