mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
