The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
