Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
