There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
