I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
