he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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