She is in my trunk
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
