i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
