dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
