I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
not ubering you a puppy
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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