I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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