I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
