I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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