Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Randomize
