the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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