he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
