you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
