If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
farters have to be the big spoon...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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