Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
