I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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