So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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