I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
