and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
