just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
