first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
