coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
