is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
