so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
