I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
