He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
