Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
