he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
