I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
