I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
