so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
