I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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