This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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