did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He literally asked permission to hit on me
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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