Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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