Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
