The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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