Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
