Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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