my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
