Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
