its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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