4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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