Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You're earring is so big in my mouth
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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