Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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